I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
