i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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