GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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