I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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