Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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