they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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