you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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