So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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