I smell stomach acid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
