Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
