so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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