I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
