Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
