More tranny stories later!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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