I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
