it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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