Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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