I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
