i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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