So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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