I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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