My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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