Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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