i can't believe i had my finger in that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
