Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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