That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
