I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
