when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
