your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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