I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize