chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
