So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My life is pants optional.
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