Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize