i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
