Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
