so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
