well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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