Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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