my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
