why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The best revenge is premature balding
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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