Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
