So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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