Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
