There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize