Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
