My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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