3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize