ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
