I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
