then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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