How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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