we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
