I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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