I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
