I bet he comes in French.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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