I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
