i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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