Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
