I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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