His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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