don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
