We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
