true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
