The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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