I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
