Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
