You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
