tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
