he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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