If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
