So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
