I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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