He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
