Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
