I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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