my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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