i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
