That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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